This is such a conundrum. I know when I was in those shoes, I was constantly jumping between feeling happy for my friends, feeling frustrated with myself for my inadequacies, and feeling anger, resentment, and envy towards them and myself. Not a great place to be. More often than not, it is in our nature to be vulnerable. And when it comes to finding “the one“, emotions and tensions run even higher. The first step of coping is acknowledging that there is something you are coping with. Admitting that you are in a difficult situation, and not hiding behind anything. Facing your demon, and not deflecting it with trivial or short-term ideas/actions. A second step is to provide an alternative for the body and mind to focus on. Ask yourself, out loud, how you would like to feel about those who are getting married, and about yourself? How is it that you would want to view the world? Ask yourself, because you don’t always know until you ask. The answers your receive could be some of the most honest and life-changing discoveries you make. All you need to do is be open to hearing them, in spite of any pain they may bring to the surface. One crucial tip I want to share with you is this one: As the R.E.M song goes: “Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.” Don’t put up with friends who get married and go flying off the radar for months. If they are indeed friends, share your feelings with them, and let them know. There are exceptions to every rule, but don’t let good people up and disappear from your life simply because they are now married.
The bottom line is your life has its own path and you shouldn’t make decisions based on what your friends are doing. If everyone was jumping off a bridge would you jump off a bridge? But marriage is a bit more serious since it involves more than just you. So it is more important to make sure you have the right person you want to marry before you get together and decide to get married. Making sure you have a deep connection with someone before popping the question is more important than you are the last one in your friend group that hasn’t gotten married yet.
When everyone around you has found someone and you haven’t maybe it is time to change something about yourself. The old cliche of “you are perfect the way you are” in nonsense. You should be constantly be trying to better yourself and if you are not then maybe that is why you are not finding someone you want to marry. Improve something small about your life first and then improve more. If you are not improving anything about your life then you’re probably getting worse in a few fields in your life. Look and judge yourself without a personal biased. Then figure out where you can improve and start improving that aspect of your life.
Please read the rest of my blog, if you don’t I will cry.